The Great Canadian Road Trip

  2 weeks, 4,600+ miles, 3.5 provinces and 3 time zones ... it must be The Great Canadian Road Trip!

     

       I recently embarked on an epic (and sometimes perilous) journey across the middle portion of Canada.  It wasn't your typical vacation, in that the trip involved 9-13 hours of driving each day, very few stops, and not much in the way of good food or relaxation.  The expedition was born out of necessity, which centered around picking up a whole bunch of my stuff from the US-Canada border out east.  Long story short, the mission was accomplished, and I got see a whole heck of a lot of Canada along the way.

  The adventure involved a near death experience, an exploding bear, and the culinary delight known as the 'bannock burger.'  It also involved two whirlwind days in Toronto, an excursion through Lake Superior Provincial Park, and stops at several historical sites, including Batoche and Lower Fort Garry.  

  ALBERTA, a.k.a. 'BERTA!

This is Alberta. It is big and empty, like everything in the middle of Canada.

     Our trip began in the province of Alberta.  The only way to describe this place is that, in a land mass the approximately the same size as Texas, there are only 3.6 million people. Just to put that in to perspective, Texas has a population of a little over 20 million people.  Alberta is a big place with a small population.

  Western Alberta is truly beautiful, with the soaring Rocky Mountains.  It's home to both Jasper and Banff, two incredible parks that are among the crown jewels of Canada, a country rich in spectacular scenery. The south has some incredible badlands, and the north has boreal forest, which is neat if you like endless amounts of trees. Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience any of these geographical features on this trip.  Instead, I began my trip in the dead center of Alberta, which was flat. And boring. And full of trucks. 

  I do have a special fondness for Alberta, and know it to be a great province.  However, you'd never guess that driving on the TransCanada Highway.  The highway manages to meander through the most boring scenery of all time.  The only exciting spots are the giant Ukrainian Easter Egg and the herds of wild bison on the side of the road.  However, I will say that Alberta is definitely more exciting than her prairie province cousins, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, which somehow manage to be even flatter, less populated and more boring.

Saskatchewan, a.k.a. I Never Know If I Spell This Damn Province Correctly

 

Saskatchewan. There is nothing much to say, other than it might be a circle in Dante's hell.

   So, yeah ... Saskatchewan.  My main issue with this province is that it never ends.  You drive 6 hours, then 8, and then 9, and you're still stuck in this province, staring at wheat and grain elevators.  The eastern portion is spectacularly flat and unexciting.  I'm talking farm houses, fields of edible stuff (sorry, I'm not a botanist) and, for a little variety, the occasional pasture full of bored looking cows.  Heady stuff, even for the most intrepid of travelers.

  I will admit that things start to improve around Saskatoon.  There are actual hills, and trees start to appear in little fits and starts.  The prairie rolls around you like some kind of living entity, and the sky stretches above for miles, more magnificent than anything you've ever seen. 

  If you're willing to veer off the beaten path (and I do mean veer, which is what you will be doing a lot of to avoid the potholes and beaten up roads), Batoche is well worth a visit.  It's an incredibly important historical site, and situated in a beautiful patch of prairie.  You also have to drive around an impressive sinkhole in the middle of the road to get there. 

 Definitely check out the bannock burgers for sale at Batoche.  It's the best bannock I've ever had, and this is coming from the girl who never turns down bannock. I love my calories, what can I say?

  Batoche and bannock aside, the rest of the Saskatchewan experience is fairly uneventful.  Blame it on the TransCanada Highway if you like, but it is pretty damn boring. After you leave Batoche and drive a few hours, you arrive in Regina and realize ... eeehh. Enough prairie for one day. And then you drive a few more hours and you're still in this god forsaken province, and all you've seen the entire day are varieties of grass and cows.  

 Manitoba, a.k.a 'We're Flat and Proud of It.'

Manitoba ... it's flat.

 The provincial motto should be "We're flat and proud of it!' 

  My impression of the southern part of the province: flat, flatter, flattest. 

  That said, I actually really liked Manitoba. The southwestern portion of the province is very pretty, with lots of forests and ponds along the side of the highway.  Even when it flattens out (which it does, in spectacular fashion), it's not all that bad.  Saskatchewan is prettier and more scenic, but somehow, Manitoba seems like a shorter and easier drive. Oh, and for the record, Winnipeg is a dynamic little city with a very pretty waterfront.

Ontario, a.k.a. We're Friendly, But Drive Like Jerks

  

Ontario, where everyone drives like an asshole.

 Oh, Ontario.  I love you, but I also find you frustrating.  You have beautiful scenery and lovely people.  There's Toronto in the east, and beautiful bush country in the west. But Jesus Christ, fix your roads! I have never seen so much road construction in my life.  You'd think a national highway would have more than two lanes (one in each direction). Even better would be a highway that was functional, and not given over to construction on every single bridge ever built in the province. In the span of about four hours, we ran in to well over a dozen construction zones, which led to massive delays in the trip.

  I'd also like to make the point that the drivers there are genuine jerks.  My boyfriend and I were almost killed in northwestern Ontario by a moron hurtling the wrong way down the highway, and almost crashing in to us head-on.  It would have been instant death if my boyfriend hadn't managed to swerve on to the shoulder within the two or three seconds he had before impact.  This is also the province where I witnessed a tractor trailer ram in to a black bear, killing it in a very gory and awful way.  Let's just say the bear partially exploded on impact before flying up and hitting the guard rail along the highway.

  Near-deaths and exploding bears aside, Ontario is a beautiful province and I have a lot of love and affection for it. Just watch out for the drivers, and be mindful of the bears.

  The Route

  Day 1: Edmonton, Alberta --> Brandon, Manitoba

  Day 2: Brandon, Manitoba --> Thunder Bay, Ontario

  Day 3: Thunder Bay, Ontario --> Sault Sainte Marie, Ontario

  Day 4 & 5: Sault Sainte Marie, Ontario --> Toronto, Ontario

  Day 6 & 7: Toronto, Ontario --> Ottawa, Ontario

  Day 8: Ottawa, Ontario --> Thunder Bay, Ontario

  Day 9 & 10: Thunder Bay, Ontario --> Winnipeg, Manitoba

  Day 11: Winnipeg, Manitoba --> Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

  Day 12: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan --> Edmonton, Alberta

 

  

 

 

  

what goes around comes around

Dear _____________,

  A little over two years ago, you betrayed me.  You lied, you cheated, you spat upon my name and everything I stood for. After a decade of unconditional love, you broke our bond.  You led me on, only to turn around and say horrible things about me behind my back.  You fed on my faith in you, only to allow me to be consumed by its fire. You took our friendship and crushed it between the weight of your lies and deceit.  You took something beautiful and made it ugly.

 Because of you, I went through hell.  Or rather, because of you, I allowed myself to go through hell.  Believe me when I say that I went through the depths of despair.  I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy.  The fear, the distrust, the overwhelming sadness.  Every second of every day, I woke up and all I could taste was the bile at the back of my throat.  Every minute of every hour, all I could hear were your frantic pleas, asking me, begging me for another chance, only to turn around and mock me for giving them to you.  My world went dark, a place of shadows and failures.

 Such great pain! Such an enormous grief, the kind that rips you open and leaves your entrails dangling out on the grass.  I felt it all. I experienced every moment. And then I realized -- such great pain. Such fantastic, wonderful pain, an opportunity to turn in to something greater, to evolve, to live and to learn. A chance to further myself as a human being, to learn compassion, to learn sympathy and empathy and extend love to myself.

  A glorious pain, and a pain that transformed me.  The ashes of my former life, changed in to the body and wings of a phoenix.  The caterpillar became a butterfly, and you gave me the ability to do so. 

  I want to say thank you. In all sincerity, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have taught me so much, and have helped me realize what a resilient, intelligent and strong woman I am.  You have shown me what wonderful friends I have, friends who love and support me.  I have an amazing family, and a truly incredible boyfriend.  Thanks to you, my bond with them is stronger than ever, something I know is unique and blessed.  Nothing will ever break it. Not you, not her, not anyone.

 Because of you, I got my mind and body clean.  I'm healthier than I have ever been.  I'm also happy. I'm content and at peace.  I have an education, a job, and a relationship.  I'm more compassionate than ever before. I'm more aware. Less anxious. A better cook. A better musician. A better lover, friend and guardian. I'm freer, wiser, older.  Funnier. 

 I've done something that many people haven't been able to do --  I've faced my demons head on and looked them directly in the face.  I did this alone, with very little help.  No substances, no alcohol, no distractions.  Nothing but myself.  And you know what? I can rely on myself.  I am stronger than I ever believed.  I know I'm tougher than the two of you put together, because I don't need to run anyone's name through the mud to justify any of my actions.

 You have taught me what a real relationship is, and what it isn't.  A real relationship is trust, honesty, loyalty, and love.  It's not needing to belittle someone else in order to feel more secure. It's building someone up, not tearing them down. A relationship is commitment. It's work. It's unconditional. I have a real relationship with someone, and I would have never known to appreciate it if it hadn't been for you.

 You have shown me that, no matter how much you want something to be right, it doesn't make it so.  You can wish and pray and hope, but if something is that broken, sometimes it's just not worth fixing.  And believe me, I did try to fix it. Many, many times. Too many times, in fact.  I gave you every chance in the world, and then some.  I gave you so much you took it all for granted.  Never again will I be that pitiful, that desperate.  Never.

Oh, by the way ... all that stuff you have said about me -- it's not true.  I'm sorry to burst your bubble.  I don't ever talk about you, or her, and I certainly don't give a shit these days.  It's old news.  It's all so silly. Silly and over with.  What's all this nonsense I hear about me wishing you ill? Because I have never once wished you or anyone else harm. Ever.  I don't work that way. I never have, and I never will.  It's bad juju, bad karma, bad everything. I don't operate that way. If you weren't so twisted up inside, you'd realize that.  I'm not your enemy. I never was. I loved you, and I would have given my last breath for you.  You don't take a love like that and turn it into hate.  I hate no one, least of all you.

Despite the mistrust and broken dreams shared between us, I wish you all the joy that I have experienced in recent months. My old friend, I want nothing but the best for you. I hope that someday you can experience the good of a positive person, of being fully trusted and of fully trusting someone in return.  It's a magical feeling.  It feels good. It feels like being an adult. 

I pray that you have happiness and peace. I really do. I only want the best for you, only the most positive things. If we could only take the pain we have and turn that into something beautiful.  I wish for that with all my heart. I have an endless amount of love for you.  I always will. You were my soul mate, my spiritual brother, and I will never forget that. I pray that great things will come your way, and that you find all the peace and joy in the world. Please take that love and turn it in to something positive. I promise you, it's a better way to live.

 Maybe someday you'll meet this wonderful man of mine, the one I'm going to marry.  Perhaps you'll meet our future children.  In a funny way, I have you to thank for him.  I would have never known what a good man is, or how lucky I am to have found one, if it hadn't been for all the pain you put me through. I suppose the old saying is true, that time and the universe work things out.  Instead of a waste, I see the relationship we had as something that taught me a number of invaluable lessons. It prepared me for something even greater, and gifted me with someone far kinder and more stable.  Without a doubt, I am a better person today than I have ever been. I am in a better place, and living a better life.

Thank you.


-- me
 

Photos: Butchart Gardens, Post 2

Totem Pole (Never forget settlers were not the first people on this land!)

Photos: Butchart Gardens, Set 1

Fountains at the Sunken Garden, Butchart Gardens

a mundane post from the west coast

   I'm writing this entry from the lovely town of Saanich, located in British Columbia. It's situated on Vancouver Island, a beautiful place that has the distinct privilege of having absolutely fantastic weather. If California and Canada married and popped out a baby, this island would be the result. It's Canada, but with sunshine and a good tan.

  It's my first time in the province, and it's been a lovely introduction to the west coast of Canada. If you haven't been, picture a landscape consisting of a sparkling blue ocean set against a backdrop of mountains, roadsides planted with lush gardens, a temperate climate, and, my absolute favorite part, baby palm trees! Yes, there are palm trees in Canada. Who knew?

  I am here on business, but I managed to take the day to explore some of what the island has to offer.  I ventured on to the bus system, which is quite nice, and puttered around the island.  It was a nice and cheap way to see some of the local scenery.  For anyone interested, the 39 Bus from U Victoria to Royal Oak Exchange has a section that goes along the ocean and travels through a beautiful and densely wooded park.

  I eventually ended up at Butchart Gardens. I highly, highly, highly recommend a visit. I've always been a fan of all things botanical, and this place was a like a little slice of heaven.  The gardens are a work of art, and not to be missed. The plantings were world class, with every aesthetic quality carefully thought through.  Sight, smell, touch, and even sound were all considered. 

  My only complaint was the amount of tourists.  It's not even peak season yet, so I can't imagine the place during the summer months.  I raised my eyebrow a few times at the pushy behavior of some of the Chinese and Korean tourists, who were willing to plow down anyone in the way of a good photo opportunity.  I got stepped on several times by little old Asian women.  I never knew such dainty, tiny ladies could inflict so much damage.

 I will upload some photos when Blogger will let me. Right now it's refusing to upload anything.

I'm still alive, and this blog is not totally dead.

Updates coming soon, including my adventures in the woods, chasing off bears, and finding a new place to live.

I like ...

I'm kind of in love with this artist (Lawrence Yang).  He's whimsical, magical and a little strange.  Lots of colors and lines and shapes and fun stuff like that.  And colors.  Did I mention the colors? 'Cause yeah. Colors. Whimsy and blue go very well together, don'tcha think?

 

"not suspicious, but merely Canadian."

 Courtesy of Imgur:

 

a little personal

I wish I could show you

When you are lonely or in darkness

The astonishing light of your own being.

-- Hafiz

   The past seven months have been a journey for me.  A long, winding road that has led down to the abyss and beyond.  I have suffered, I have been miserable, and I have doubted everything about myself. I have questioned reality, my position in life and the motives of friends and family.  I have wondered and worried about the past while anxiously tabulating every single mishap that has led up to this point. I have calculated my errors and accidents, and at times, it becomes an equation that seems like it will never balance itself. 

  And yet, here I am, nearly a year later and somehow more complete than I have ever been.  My spirit is bruised, my psyche is sore, and yet I am full of hope.  I can carry my head high, sure in the knowledge that I am trying to better myself, trying to become a more complete person, trying to evolve and grow towards something greater than I have ever yet been.

  Growing is a difficult process.  I never realized it until now.  I take two steps forward, and then fall backwards.  I begin to grow confident in myself, and suddenly crumble inwards.  I love my body, only to pick it apart.  I feel confident, which is then eroded by anxiety and self doubt.  It's not a straight forward process, this business of learning to love yourself.  It hurts.  It aches.  It itches.  It cramps. Sometimes, it fails miserably. 

  Yet, slowly, ever so slowly, I begin to doubt myself less.  I try a little harder.  I acknowledge the good moments in my day.  The sun is shining again, and I can see it, feel it, taste it.  I'm no longer hidden behind a dark and gloomy cloud.  Not always, anyway. And that's a start. A beautiful, joyous start.

  You yourself, as much as anybody in the universe, deserve your love and affection.

-- Buddha 

  There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.

-- Louise Hay

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

    

a snow day

  2 days of snow.

  No one willing to shovel the sidewalks.

  A girl with no car.

  This is the result.

 

inspiration

 "Opening ourselves to possible failure is an important part of creativity.  One failure need not stop us from acting again.  We learn from our failures."

-- Amit Goswami, 'The Visionary Window', pg. 195

canadiana 101: maple taffy / tire d'érable

  Maple taffy (or what I call 'awesomeness on a stick') is a delicious treat that I experienced for the first time yesterday.  It is a perfect mix of sticky, chewy and, if you wait long enough, hard.  It will also glue your teeth together if you bite in to it too fast, which I discovered the hard way. 

 According to Wikipedia, the treat is made by boiling maple syrup, and then pouring it on to ice or fresh, clean snow.  You place a  stick in the mass of maple syrup, which rapidly hardens and turns in to a lollipop of sorts.  You can eat it immediately and savor the goo factor, or you can wait and let the candy harden.

  The trick is to catch as much maple syrup as you can on your stick and find just the right moment to bite in to the maple mess.  Unfortunately, I didn't get enough practice yesterday, so my technique is not perfected (yet).

  It's a treat that is associated with eastern Canada, but apparently western Canadians also know a thing or too about maple taffy.  It's caloric, sugary, and absolute heaven.  I highly recommend trying it.

  There are several websites that tell you how to make an at-home version, no snow required.  However, I think half the fun is playing in the snow and getting cold while eagerly waiting for your maple taffy creations.

valentine's day northern lights

   Ah, Valentine's Day,  the most awkward of holidays.  For a girl who loathes public displays of affection, conversation heart candies and anything to do with cupids, Valentine's Day is not the best way to celebrate love.  And anyway, I find it rather offensive that the greeting card industry has made an official day for Love, Affection and Sex -- as if you can't have these things the rest of the year.  (I mean hell, if I had a boyfriend who only ever brought me chocolates on Valentine's Day, he'd be dumped pretty quickly.  Call me shallow, but what ever.)

  Naturally, I was absolutely dreading V.D. this year.  I've been single for almost 9 months now, and the prospect of some stupid holiday rubbing it in my face was not a pleasurable thought.  It was bad enough strolling around campus the week leading up to Valentine's, and watching all the couples cooing and kissing all over each other (in public, I might add -- ick.)  V. Day itself was pretty much unbearable around the university, with cute couples strolling around, hand in hand, and making romantic noises about dinner and 'plans' for later that evening.  Gag me with a spoon, people.

  In the end, however, I ended up having a pretty good (platonic)  Valentine's Day.  I went out for pizza with a friend, gorged on some killer chocolate cake, and watched an absolutely stunning display of the northern lights.  They were gorgeous last night, shimmering across the sky in vivid greens and reds.  I had a perfect view from my living room balcony.  It's impossible not to be awed and inspired by those beautiful lights, and it certainly was the most unique way to spend a Valentine's Day evening.

  Not romantic, but certainly awesome.  In a way, I'm really glad I got to enjoy the holiday as a single girl. 
If I had been hanging out with a boyfriend, I probably wouldn't have noticed the lights in the first place.  Perhaps it's a sign that all is well in my universe, and that I should just accept the fact that I'm single.  After all, there are worse things.  I got to see some beautiful lights across the night sky, cram my face with chocolate cake, and not have to worry about looking fat for some guy.  All in all, much better than spending V. Day out to dinner, awkwardly exchanging cards and trying to get in to the spirit of an otherwise lifeless and completely pointless holiday.

photos: ice crystals

I was lucky enough to wake up to a window covered in ice crystals yesterday morning.  It was one of those rare and magical moments that makes living in the far north worth it.  Click on the photos to enlarge them -- the details of the crystal are worth a look.  

My bedroom window at 7am, when the windchill outside was -45C (-49F).

Like stars.

Ice + sunlight = Mother Nature's version of stained glass.

One more, because they're so beautiful.

a girl's guide to surviving -45C (-49F to Americans)

  Today in the Great White North it is -38C, with windchill.  Tomorrow morning it's expected to hit the warm and balmy low of -45C (which is -49F for those of you who live in the States.)  Temperatures like these aren't all that unusual up north, and can last for days, and sometimes weeks, on end.

  Do you remember those headaches you used to get as a kid when you ate ice cream too fast? Well, that's what going outside in insanely cold weather is like.  Your entire body instantly starts to tingle, ache and then go numb.  Even with a hat on, my head will start to throb like I've just downed an entire box of Popsicles.  My knees get stiff, and then the joints on my fingers start to bend very s l o w l y.  Needless to say, walking anywhere can be quite a painful experience, even when dressed appropriately for the weather.

Should you ever find yourself stuck in some good 'ole northern Canadian weather, here are some simple things to have around the house that will help your skin, hair and extremities survive the frigid cold.  A few things are expensive, but most are just basic things you can find around the house.

  Vitamin E Ointment

Vitamin E in a gel form is pretty much like magic.  It soothes chapped skin, helps to heal cuts, and creates a nice barrier of protection for cracked lips.  I use it all over my face before and after going outside in the extreme weather.  For those of you with oily skin, there's an added bonus: it doesn't make you break out.  You can use it all over your body, although I like it most on my face.



Olive Oil

Cheap, you can find it at any grocery store, and it's awesome for the skin.  Cold weather is very drying and irritating for face, hands and everything else.  Olive oil is a nice way to combat peeling, cracked skin -- as long as you can deal with smelling like an Italian kitchen.  One piece of advice: I tend to avoid using it on my face, as it is quite heavy.  I prefer it for feet, knees, hands and legs.  Other good options are: Coconut oil and Castor oil, although I know they can sometimes be harder to find.

Moroccan Oil

Cold weather will slaughter, murder and otherwise destroy your hair.  My hair has a horrible habit of drying out at the ends while staying oily at the roots.  Moroccan Oil works magic on my dry ends, without weighing my hair down and making it look flat or greasy.  It also stops those horrible static fly-aways that happen when you have to wear a lot of hats. Plus, it smells really nice.  You can find it on amazon.com, amazon.ca or in a local salon. Expensive, but totally worth it.

Dryer Sheets

They work on hair like magic.  Seriously.  When I'm in a pinch, I use them to tame static and gnarly ends.  It makes your hair smell nice, to boot.  Find a brand you like, and try it out.  Personally, I am a sucker for Snuggles, that cloyingly sweet bear that you see on all those dryer sheet commercials.  I also heard of another excellent (albeit) illegal use for dryer sheets, but I'll save that one for another time ... if ever.


  Other must haves:

A long scarf: You need it long enough to drape around your neck, mouth and nose.  Breathing through a scarf really cuts down on the horrible my-lungs-are-getting-frostbitten feeling that can happen when ever you step outside.  I usually double wrap mine around my mouth and nose for added warmth.

Mittens in Gloves: Double up! Take a pair of mittens and wrap a pair of heavier gloves around them.  Relying on a single pair of mittens or gloves won't work; you need two layers.  It helps, trust me!

Ski socks:  They work.  'Nuff said.   Find them at a sporting good store. Your feet will thank you.

canadiana 101: the inuksuk

 I'd never heard of an Inuksuk until I moved to Canada.  While we don't have them in the United States, they are literally everywhere in Canada.  Originally found among many of the Arctic cultures (including the Inuit and Inupiat), the symbol has become adopted by Canadian citizens of all varieties.  It was heavily featured in the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games, and is often viewed as the archetypal symbol of Canada. In fact, unlike the maple leaf (that other famous Canadian symbol), Inuksuit can be found across the country, while the maple tree only grows in the east. 


  While I won't go in to the political ramifications of adopting (or, as some would argue, co-opting) a piece of indigenous culture, I do find it interesting how beloved Inuksuit are among Canadians.  You'll find them in all kinds of places, from front yards to the most remote corners of national parks.  You'll spot them for sale in tacky souvenir shops, and being displayed in art galleries as 'high art.'


  For the uninitiated, the Inuksuk is literally a pile of rocks.  Inuksuit (plural form, not a typo) often take the shape of a human figure, with an erect back and outstretched arms.  They may be used for navigational purposes, for spiritual reasons or simply for aesthetic pleasure.  Honestly, I'm not sure what the heck they are traditionally used for, and I'm not sure many other people are, either.  Yet that doesn't stop people from loving, making and selling them.


  It should be pointed out that there is a lot of contention about the use of Inuksuit.  There is good reason for this -- the symbol has been taken completely out of its original cultural and spiritual context, and often gets co-opted in to advertising campaigns. The symbol is splashed across everything from tea towels and beer bottles.  Many Canadians don't even know what the the Inuksuit mean, and the fact that they do have spiritual value to the people of the north.  


  That said, I personally find them very beautiful and a wonderful symbol of the north.  It's always quite startling to come across an Inuksuk.  It brings to minds all kinds of questions -- who built it? When? For what purpose?


  I find it especially charming how tourists treat the inuksuit they come across while visiting national parks and other outdoorsy types of places where the Inuksuit tend to be built in larger numbers.  I have literally seen a pair of Canadian hikers build an Inuksuk, only to have it 'discovered' twenty minutes later by a pair of Europeans who loudly commented on the 'ancient Native artificat' in their midst.

In honor of the beautiful Canadian tradition of the Inuksuk, here are some photographs of various Inuksuit I have captured over the past year or so.  They're probably not ancient artifacts, but they are truly Canadian.

 

2:10am

  like most people, i never really express appreciation for the simple things that enrich my life.  they are small things, simple things, things that are rarely paid attention to.  they are things that are taken for granted and then put aside for later use.  that's the whole problem with modern life, really.  it's the same thing. many of us take the small things for granted, often to the point where it leaks over in to our relationships with people.  we assume that these people will always be there, and that they will always be around to help us through our various trials in life. our often very ridiculous, insignificant trials.

  it's been a difficult season, for many reasons. i'm not in a sour mood -- not truly -- but i cannot lie. things have been tough. i keep thinking how low i feel, and take all the positive things happening in my life for granted.  i push them aside. it'd ridiculous, really. i see it in other people too, so i know it's not just me.  it's a symptom of something larger, perhaps of modern society as a whole. who knows?

but no matter how difficult things get, there are always a number of things that make me truly happy. me, and you, and everyone else. we just need to appreciate them, instead of casting them aside until the moment we need them. as for me, it's those rare and fleeting moments of quiet peace, of a gentle and soundless kind of happiness, that enable me to keep functioning.  it's appreciation that keeps me strong.

 so, as a reminder to myself -- and maybe you too? -- here are some nice and simple things that make me smile. i hope some of these things make you smile, too. and if not, well, please take a moment to think about what small things enrich your life.  it's quite lovely to realize how lucky we all are, even down to the smallest and most seemingly insignificant of ways.

happy

candles.christmas lights. blue glass bottles. kittens. babies with big eyes. a good southern rain storm. old dogs. purple velvet. the smell of pancakes on the griddle. bird songs. freshly fallen snow. embers. your hand in mine. love. hope. confidence. acceptance. the smile of the dalali lama in his photos. having faith that it will all be okay.  hugging a friend after a long time apart. the quiet of 3 in the morning. the shadows of flickering flames on walls. monkey noises.  dolphins. the universe. prairie winds.  the winter moon. the summer sun.

as a side note: i didn't really intend to disregard upper case & lower case letters in this posting.  i actually rather loathe that sort of pretentious letter play that is so common in bad modern prose. it's definitely not my intent here.  any way, i just started writing and ended up not hiting the caps lock key once.  so, here it is.  not intentional, but it's not getting fixed, either. what the hell, i might as well break a few grammatical rules.  i already slaughter them by the bucketful as it is. 

thank you, canada

  I've been living in Canada for over a year now.  I am slowly settling in to this place.  I feel fond of my adopted home.  To be truthful, sometimes there are times that I wish I had been born Canadian; carrying around the social albatross that is an American identity can be very trying. People will often treat me differently, once they realize where I'm from. I love my country, but I'm also frightened for it, and at the directions it is going in.  If I were Canadian, I could let all of that go, and of all of the negativity I experience from non-Americans for being born in the 'Land of the Free'. 

  Canadians are honestly treated a lot better, at least from an international standpoint.

  So yes, I'm claiming Canadian identity for myself. It's not just because of the American issue.  It is also because I genuinely like the place.  It is different from any other place I've ever been, sometimes in subtle and unexpected ways.  I think that's a really beautiful thing, and something that I'm very fortunate to be able to experience.

 It may be temporary, but for the time that I live here, I would like to be able to consider myself as 'Canadian' as any other new immigrant.  I pay taxes, I abide by the laws, I've studied up on the history and social customs.  I have spent significant time here, starting as a young child.  I have family members that live in this country.  I speak the main language.  I share a common continent and cultural bond. So, why not?  

  This doesn't negate my own American identity, or the fact that I also identify with the nation of my father's origin.  When asked, I feel hard pressed to be able to list myself as belonging to any one country.  I have too many connections to too many places.  Is it a sign of modernity when people become multinational entities?


  In the understanding that this does not negate my 'American-ness' or 'European-ness' in any way, I would like to say a big thank you to the nation of Canada for hosting me for the past year.  You've been pretty friendly, and over all, a really positive experience.  I've met some truly kind people here, and learned a lot of important things.  My life has been richer since moving here. I've also learned that I can cope with really damn cold winters.  I think your weather kind of sucks, but then again, everything looks more beautiful in the snow.  So, yeah. Thank you. It's pretty good here.

  Thank you, Canada.

canadian finals rodeo

  The Canadian Finals Rodeo, held in November, is a massive international gathering of cowboys and cowgirls from across North America.  Held over four days, the CFR is one of those classically western events that you can only find in very specific parts of the world.  

  I had a chance to attend both the Canadian Finals Rodeo and the smaller Farmfair that proceeded the main event.  A friend invited me to the fair. She summed it up as "a bunch of cows and the guys who ride 'em."  I've had limited experience with rodeos, but never with one as large, famous or international as the Canadian Finals.  So, I figured, why not? I'm living in Canada, and I might as well soak up the local culture.  Plus, the opportunity to mingle with real cowboys was just to good to pass up. 

  We started off at the Farmfair.  It was a massive event in its own right, with different halls dedicated to everything and anything related to livestock.  Stalls and pens were ordered in precise, tidy rows, with their somewhat messier occupants held within.  There were all kinds of cows (so many breeds!), from fluffy white calves to massive black bulls.  I witnessed the age old ritual of the Cow Shit, which involves a cow uncomfortably shifting around, followed by a lifting of then tail, and then the almost immediate projective and spraying brown liquid.  I saw cute goats with their kids, quite a few beautiful horses, some ducks, chickens (which were absolutely ridiculous in the way that they pranced around their pen),  and even a little clique of pigs.  (Pig herd? Litter? Social unit of swine? Whatever works.  All that matters is how cute the sight of a bunch of pigs is!)


  We also strolled around and checked out the wide assortment of incredibly tacky wares for sale by an eclectic group of vendors.  I saw a lot of really bad art, mostly involving cowboys, mustangs and cow skulls.  You know, the usual kitschy fare that you find on the walls of seedy motels in Arizona.  There were a few questionable objects for sale, such as 'authentic dream catchers' and 'aboriginal style jewelry.'  There were quite a few food vendors, and I came very close to purchasing some Saskatoon berry syrup. To be honest, I kind of wish I had, in hindsight. 

  There was even a guy who was cooking a demo meal for a live audience.  I can't remember what he was selling, but I did sample the salad he created on the spot.  It was quite tasty, although I wasn't sure what the big deal was.  Salad is, after all, not especially difficult to throw together.


  The highlight of my evening was getting an autograph with Terry Grant, 'the Real Mantracker.'  A friend once described him to me as a 'Canadian Sean Connery,' which strangely fits, somehow.  He was formerly affiliated with a popular show here in Canada, Mantracker.  I won't waste time here writing about the show, but click on the link if you want to know more about it.  It's quite entertaining.

  Terry was friendly, charming and very attractive in person.  I think I ended up confessing my undying love for the Mantracker to all my friends for the rest of the night.  It certainly became a popular joke for the evening.


  After the Mantracker/cows/goats/tacky stuff for sale adventure at Farmfair, we headed over to the insanely crowded Canadian Finals Rodeo.  The crowd was massive, energetic and definitely fans of all things Western.  I felt distinctly out of place without a cowboy hat or boots.  Even a plaid shirt would have helped me feel more at home.


  For the rest of the evening, I sipped beers and watched the amazing spectacle that is the great North American rodeo.  Barrel racing (fast!), bronco riding (amazing!), bareback (bold), team and steer roping (skillful!) and bull riding (anticlimactic, since almost no one was able to hang on long enough for a decent ride.)  I loved every second of it.  There was such a charge of energy in the stadium, the lights were bright, the air smelled faintly of sweat and horse flesh, and people were rowdy but respectful.  

  It was especially fun to watch all the different personalities of the animals.  The calves and steer were especially funny; they had very distinct personas.  Some were quite prissy, and would prance about with the conceited grace of an especially leggy catwalk model.  Others were simply dignified, or bored.  A few were mischievous, and seemed to relish in making humans run around after them. 


  As with any new cultural experiences, there were a few unexpected moments during the rodeo.  I generally roll with the punches pretty well, but did find myself taken aback during the opening ceremony for the event.  A rather jarring scene unfolded, in which giant one crosses slowly descended from the rafters during the patriotic strains of 'O, Canada.' While the overhead lights dimmed in the auditorium, the crosses were lit up with the furious white glow of spotlights.  I felt like I was staring at the westernized version of a Liberace set.  For a moment I thought I had accidentally fallen into some parallel universe featuring an Evangelical mega church. It took me quite a while to realize that this rousing display was, in fact, in honor of a very important holiday in Canada.  Remembrance Day is a sacred tradition here, and treated with the utmost respect.  In the context of the holiday, the crosses were symbolic of the grave markers over the bodies of buried veterans.  A lovely gesture, but rather jarring when it has to be explained to you. 

 


  For anyone interested in going, you can sometimes get discount tickets.  I'd definitely suggest the Farmfair, as well.  Who can resist the sight of fluffy cows and little lambs with big brown eyes?  You might even get to pet some, if you're lucky.