The Great Canadian Road Trip

  2 weeks, 4,600+ miles, 3.5 provinces and 3 time zones ... it must be The Great Canadian Road Trip!

     

       I recently embarked on an epic (and sometimes perilous) journey across the middle portion of Canada.  It wasn't your typical vacation, in that the trip involved 9-13 hours of driving each day, very few stops, and not much in the way of good food or relaxation.  The expedition was born out of necessity, which centered around picking up a whole bunch of my stuff from the US-Canada border out east.  Long story short, the mission was accomplished, and I got see a whole heck of a lot of Canada along the way.

  The adventure involved a near death experience, an exploding bear, and the culinary delight known as the 'bannock burger.'  It also involved two whirlwind days in Toronto, an excursion through Lake Superior Provincial Park, and stops at several historical sites, including Batoche and Lower Fort Garry.  

  ALBERTA, a.k.a. 'BERTA!

This is Alberta. It is big and empty, like everything in the middle of Canada.

     Our trip began in the province of Alberta.  The only way to describe this place is that, in a land mass the approximately the same size as Texas, there are only 3.6 million people. Just to put that in to perspective, Texas has a population of a little over 20 million people.  Alberta is a big place with a small population.

  Western Alberta is truly beautiful, with the soaring Rocky Mountains.  It's home to both Jasper and Banff, two incredible parks that are among the crown jewels of Canada, a country rich in spectacular scenery. The south has some incredible badlands, and the north has boreal forest, which is neat if you like endless amounts of trees. Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience any of these geographical features on this trip.  Instead, I began my trip in the dead center of Alberta, which was flat. And boring. And full of trucks. 

  I do have a special fondness for Alberta, and know it to be a great province.  However, you'd never guess that driving on the TransCanada Highway.  The highway manages to meander through the most boring scenery of all time.  The only exciting spots are the giant Ukrainian Easter Egg and the herds of wild bison on the side of the road.  However, I will say that Alberta is definitely more exciting than her prairie province cousins, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, which somehow manage to be even flatter, less populated and more boring.

Saskatchewan, a.k.a. I Never Know If I Spell This Damn Province Correctly

 

Saskatchewan. There is nothing much to say, other than it might be a circle in Dante's hell.

   So, yeah ... Saskatchewan.  My main issue with this province is that it never ends.  You drive 6 hours, then 8, and then 9, and you're still stuck in this province, staring at wheat and grain elevators.  The eastern portion is spectacularly flat and unexciting.  I'm talking farm houses, fields of edible stuff (sorry, I'm not a botanist) and, for a little variety, the occasional pasture full of bored looking cows.  Heady stuff, even for the most intrepid of travelers.

  I will admit that things start to improve around Saskatoon.  There are actual hills, and trees start to appear in little fits and starts.  The prairie rolls around you like some kind of living entity, and the sky stretches above for miles, more magnificent than anything you've ever seen. 

  If you're willing to veer off the beaten path (and I do mean veer, which is what you will be doing a lot of to avoid the potholes and beaten up roads), Batoche is well worth a visit.  It's an incredibly important historical site, and situated in a beautiful patch of prairie.  You also have to drive around an impressive sinkhole in the middle of the road to get there. 

 Definitely check out the bannock burgers for sale at Batoche.  It's the best bannock I've ever had, and this is coming from the girl who never turns down bannock. I love my calories, what can I say?

  Batoche and bannock aside, the rest of the Saskatchewan experience is fairly uneventful.  Blame it on the TransCanada Highway if you like, but it is pretty damn boring. After you leave Batoche and drive a few hours, you arrive in Regina and realize ... eeehh. Enough prairie for one day. And then you drive a few more hours and you're still in this god forsaken province, and all you've seen the entire day are varieties of grass and cows.  

 Manitoba, a.k.a 'We're Flat and Proud of It.'

Manitoba ... it's flat.

 The provincial motto should be "We're flat and proud of it!' 

  My impression of the southern part of the province: flat, flatter, flattest. 

  That said, I actually really liked Manitoba. The southwestern portion of the province is very pretty, with lots of forests and ponds along the side of the highway.  Even when it flattens out (which it does, in spectacular fashion), it's not all that bad.  Saskatchewan is prettier and more scenic, but somehow, Manitoba seems like a shorter and easier drive. Oh, and for the record, Winnipeg is a dynamic little city with a very pretty waterfront.

Ontario, a.k.a. We're Friendly, But Drive Like Jerks

  

Ontario, where everyone drives like an asshole.

 Oh, Ontario.  I love you, but I also find you frustrating.  You have beautiful scenery and lovely people.  There's Toronto in the east, and beautiful bush country in the west. But Jesus Christ, fix your roads! I have never seen so much road construction in my life.  You'd think a national highway would have more than two lanes (one in each direction). Even better would be a highway that was functional, and not given over to construction on every single bridge ever built in the province. In the span of about four hours, we ran in to well over a dozen construction zones, which led to massive delays in the trip.

  I'd also like to make the point that the drivers there are genuine jerks.  My boyfriend and I were almost killed in northwestern Ontario by a moron hurtling the wrong way down the highway, and almost crashing in to us head-on.  It would have been instant death if my boyfriend hadn't managed to swerve on to the shoulder within the two or three seconds he had before impact.  This is also the province where I witnessed a tractor trailer ram in to a black bear, killing it in a very gory and awful way.  Let's just say the bear partially exploded on impact before flying up and hitting the guard rail along the highway.

  Near-deaths and exploding bears aside, Ontario is a beautiful province and I have a lot of love and affection for it. Just watch out for the drivers, and be mindful of the bears.

  The Route

  Day 1: Edmonton, Alberta --> Brandon, Manitoba

  Day 2: Brandon, Manitoba --> Thunder Bay, Ontario

  Day 3: Thunder Bay, Ontario --> Sault Sainte Marie, Ontario

  Day 4 & 5: Sault Sainte Marie, Ontario --> Toronto, Ontario

  Day 6 & 7: Toronto, Ontario --> Ottawa, Ontario

  Day 8: Ottawa, Ontario --> Thunder Bay, Ontario

  Day 9 & 10: Thunder Bay, Ontario --> Winnipeg, Manitoba

  Day 11: Winnipeg, Manitoba --> Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

  Day 12: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan --> Edmonton, Alberta