black friday makes my soul poop brown

Happy Post-Thanksgiving, ya'll! Hope your big day of eating was a cheery one. Turkey day is really kind of a bird holocaust sanctioned by American tradition, but I love the holiday anyway. I guess there's just something about having an excuse to stuff face with food that I really appreciate.

My Thanksgiving was a quiet one. This was mainly due to the fact I had to be at work at 5:30am this morning for the horror that is known as Black Friday. Waking up at 4:45am is not exactly my thing, and I had to be sure to go to bed extra early last night in order to wake up in time.

Of course, I wasn't able to get a good evening's rest at all. I'm allergic to a bed time. As soon as I tell my body that it must be asleep by a certain time, it goes and does the opposite. My mind goes in to Super Mega Thinking Concentration Mode. It's really not as productive as it sounds, either.

Seriously, my body and brain hold a conversation that goes something like this:

2 HOURS BEFORE BEDTIME
Body: I need you fast asleep by 10:30pm AT THE LATEST. Okay?
Brain: Sure, sure. 10:30pm. Gotcha.

BEDTIME
Body: Okay. Sleepy time. Ya ready?
Brain: *suddenly clicks on after being shut down all day* No. Actually, I just came up with 50 new things to stress and worry about.
Body: But ... I need to sleep.
Brain: Well, too bad.

2 HOURS AFTER BEDTIME
Body: Why am I still awake?
Brain: Because I hate you.

And that, folks, sums up my life.

In other news, I'm working a new part time retail position. I can't say I love it, especially during weekends like this. The store is always crowded, it's stifling hot, I stand on my feet all day, and I have to be nice to everyone no matter what. The latter is what especially drives me crazy -- I won't even type some of the things I've silently said in my head to a few choice jerks who've stepped foot in to my store. I smile and perkily tell everyone to have a great day, but in my brain I might be thinking something quite the opposite.

Then there are days like this one, where I have to haul around a giant bag on the sales floor and pitch it to people. Mind you, these are busy, harassed shoppers who don't want to hear about a bunch of expensive goodies. They'd rather me just shut up and tell them how to get to the exit without getting trampled to death. But nope, I have to sell away, lugging around a heavy bag, showing off its contents like its Blackbeard's pirate booty itself.

(Is this going to get me fired? Oh well.)

Then, of course, there are my co-workers. Some of them are genuinely nice people, but some of them are almost young enough to be my children. (Weird feeling.) I have nothing in common with these people. They worry about boys and freshmen-year-in-college types of things. I worry about graduate school applications and making beautiful music. We speak foreign languages, me and them. But we stand united, under the common goal of earning a shitty paycheck.

Such is life.

Hopefully tonight I will get a good night's rest. I have a long day ahead of me Saturday: a day of work and then several hours of practice/rehearsal afterwards. Here's hoping my brain will actually cut me a break tonight, and let me sleep for once!

vonnegut lends a literary helping hand

I've been reading Kurt Vonnegut's 'Mother Night' and, of course, loving it. Vonnegut has ranked as among my favorite writers for many years. The way he plays with words is so entertaining yet, at times, profound. His biting wit is mixed with a sort of jovial irony, which makes for a very interesting take on the world. Naturally, I can't help but admire the man's writing.

It's a well known fact to my friends and family that Vonnegut stands as a member of my Holy Trinity of Authors, the other two being Flannery O'Connor and Henry Miller. But where O'Connor has a morbid, almost claustrophobic tendency in her work, Vonnegut is the opposite -- free, open, expansive. Henry Miller may be a genius, (and make no mistake, he most certainly is), but he is so caustic at times that it makes one flinch when reading his material. Vonnegut never hurts me to read. He only makes me laugh and self reflect.

That said, I loved a few of the following passages from the novel 'Mother Night' and wanted to share them. They're classic Vonnegut: philosophical, but deceptively simple.

The first is a description of New York City, which I absolutely adore:

" ... And I left the seashell roar and the aurora borealis of the city's heart farther and farther behind me" (Vonnegut, 176)

Oh, how lovely! How true, even. The seashell roar -- the distant muffled sounds of the oceanic movement of honking cars and swerving delivery trucks -- mingled with the bright lights and pulsing neon signs that cast an aurora borealis over Times Square.

Love it.

Vonnegut, who was himself a World War II veteran, often deals with war and inhumanity in his writing as well. This next passage I selected because it sums up a personal philosophy of my own, and I was glad to see it echoed in the writing of a man who's reputation far exceeds my own:

" 'There are plenty of reasons for fighting,' I said, 'but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too. Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side. It's that part of every man that finds all kinds of ugliness so attractive.'
'It's that part of an imbecile,' I said, 'that punishes and villifies and makes war gladly.' " (Vonnegut, 190)

This, to me, applies to world events right now. Taliban fighters, are you listening? Zealous evangelists, are you listening? Read some Vonnegut.

Lastly, this little truth from Vonnegut, which comes from the mouth of his narrator, Howard W. Campbell, Jr:

"This is the only story of mine whose moral I know. I don't think it's a marvelous moral; I simply happen to know what it is: We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." (Vonnegut, v)

Seems straight forward, right? But oh, how it applies to so many people I've known in my life. Myself, even.

I'll end the post on that final literary note.

Happy Pre-Thanksgiving, and may you find a good Vonnegut book to read during your holiday.

meow

This short video completely made my otherwise lame and freezing cold day:

letting go

Rainy days always bring out the melancholy in me. It's not a bad thing, it just is what it is. To me, rain signifies contemplation and reflection. Well, that and snuggling up in bed with a good book.

Lately I've been learning the lesson of Letting Go. It's not something I'm good at, or have been very prone to do in my life. I'll stay friends with people I don't even like that much, simply because it's too difficult to kick them to the curb. I've certainly let guys overstay their welcome in relationships, simply because I hate being the one to do the dumping. I've even clung to half baked plans and dreams for too long, and why? Because letting go is hard to do.

There are people and things in life worth holding on to. I believe this with a passion. I've fought a few hard and long battles in my life over certain people and things that I have truly belived in.

However, there are many other people and things that aren't worth the fight. Sometimes it's better just to let them go, as nicely as possible, and wish them well in life. It completely sucks, and it inevitably ends up hurting someone in the equation, but well ... I think that holding on to something old and broken is probably worse in the long run.

I've been learning a lot about letting go lately. It's a hard thing to accept. But it's time, and I'm absorbing the lesson as gracefully and maturely as possible.

a friday night drag show

Well, in anti-celebration of the idiots in California who decided that sexuality should determine one's ability to marry, I decided to attend a drag show.

I've been to a few in New York City, but this was my first small town experience with one. Let's just say it was a low rent version of what a drag show should be. However, for all the camp and silliness (and lack of stilettos), there was something completely charming about the overweight, pink bewigged mommas flashing their gams on stage.

First of all, it was a Patsy Cline tribute night. I had no idea the famed country singer was a gay icon, but apparently she is. (News to me!) I was thrilled about this fact, until two songs in to the show, the Patsy Cline lip synching came to an abrupt end and was replaced by decidedly non-country tunes such as 'Everybody Dance Now' and 'Sweet Dreams Are Made of This.'

I was none too impressed with the actual drag queens themselves (more like draggled queens), but I had a blast dancing along to the music, cheering the ladies on in their moment of glory, and admiring the sheer amount of glitter that coated the hair, face and body of one particular high heeled man-lady.

The best part of the evening, however, had nothing to do with the ladies themselves. It was the fact that were straight women, gay women, straight men and gay men all mingling together in support of a decidedly alternative cause. Also, the appletini shots and $4 cranberry and vodkas weren't a bad deal either. (Perhaps a little more off putting was the young fellow walking around in tight black underwear who was serving the above mentioned appletini shots.)

I'm not planning on going back anytime soon, but I certainly had a blast on the dance floor after the drag show. I was also very glad to see that the passing of Proposition 8 hadn't dapened anyone's spirits too much. Perhaps no one cared, but more likely, everyone just decided to say screw it, we're still going to live our lives!

I'm including some pictures of the evening, although they're low quality, very blurry cell phone shots. They gave the general impression of the evening, however. Enjoy, and yes, I promise to stop politicizing after this post!

congratulations

Congratulations to Barack Obama for his historic victory as PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!

(I finally voted for someone who won an election!)

For the first time in years, I felt proud to be an American last night. The young adults of my generation came together and united under one cause: to make a change in America. We voted, and we did it!

However, I am super bummed to learn that Proposition 8 in California (which is against gay marriage and a strikedown of gay rights) is looking like it will pass. I am not one to politicize; however, since when is equality a privilege, not a right?

Love is love, people, no matter the genitals attached to it.

in which i describe my movie marathon

I trust Halloween treated you all nicely.

I had a good and rather quiet holiday. I had a movie marathon at my friend's house, and then popped back over to my house with two other friends to watch an episode of an old vampire anime series that I own.

The Official Halloween Movie Marathon went as follows:

The Devil's Advocate (creepy thriller involving a law firm -- very Rosemary's Baby meets The Firm or something)

Rob Zombie's Halloween (a take on the classic horror flick; really terrible movie, except for the last 15 minutes or so.)

Seven (seen it a million times, but still a creepfest)

Episode 1 of Hellsing (an entertaining if cheesy Japanese vampire series)

I am going to continue the Halloween movie-a-thon by watching 30 Days of Night and perhaps Poltergeist II. I do love me some horror flicks!!

In other news: I am looking forward to buying discount candy en masse today. That's the one good thing about the start of November -- all the cheap candy just waiting for me to stuff into my face!! November is generally a crappy month, except for Thanksgiving, but at least there is cheap candy to kick off the crapfest with.

I am glad about the candy, but the rest of life in general has me a bit down these days. I'm struggling with finding a job, sorting out graduate school (where to go? what program? who do I talk to? how do I get funding?), dealing with this god awful economy, getting my license and, of course, guys. Men. Oh, how sometimes I loathe thee. The bane of my existence has been the eternal problem: males!

Anyway, I'm not prone to getting overly personal on here, so I'll leave the gory details out. Needless to say, they're not very exciting and only really matter to me anyway. But those problems hurt and frustrate me.

Whelp, that's all. (And yes, I typed 'whelp.' I know what it means. But I'm leaving it anyway.)

If you get a chance, please click on this link: http://goosetopia.myminicity.com/. I'm trying to get my city to grow. Gracias!


Also, the travel blog is getting another update. Go check it out.