reflections on 2pac's 'keep ya head up'

I'm having a blue day. The weather is beautiful, I'm in the home stretch of finishing my degree, and I made a new friend last night. These are all wonderful things, and yet I'm still feeling down.

I'm realizing a lot of things today. Or, at the very least, a lot of realizations have culminated to a certain point and I can no longer ignore what my head is telling me. My heart is one matter, but my brain is another.

Both hurt.

I'm realizing you can't make someone like you.
I'm realizing you can't force someone to want to be with you.
I'm realizing you can't change someone.

I'm beginning to understand that sometimes the best thing to do is just hold your head up and walk away.

You can dedicate years and years to something, and not see it come to fruition. I used to believe that, given enough time and energy, anything was possible. Now I don't know. I'm not so sure anymore. I've put so much energy and time into something, and it's not working out at all like I expected.

At. All.

It's a sense of loss, and a sense of anger. It's a sense of futility and frustration. It's a sense of confusion and despair. What did I not do? What could I have done better, right, more correctly?

Is the blame even with me? Or with someone else?

I had so much faith in this matter. Blind, stupid faith. I was drunk with faith. Faith, faith, faith. It was all I had, really. Faith and lots of it. It will work out was a daily mantra in my head. Have faith. Be strong of heart. Be brave in action. Be bold of thought.

I did all of those things. I tried my hardest. I was strong as I could be. I was bold as I dared. I skimped on the bravery at times, but over all was certainly far from fearful.

And it didn't work.

All I can do now is keep my head up.

Which brings me to a song by 2Pac (Tupac, which ever you prefer) Shakur, the late rapper. He's probably best known for his gangster rap, but his earlier work was fueled by a power that was positive and uplifting. His song 'Keep Ya Head Up' has been keeping me going through today, and all the days that have been like this one.

First, 2Pac addresses women who are down. As a female in a not-so-great emotional state, I relate to this on a direct level.

A sample of his lyrics from 'Keep Ya Head Up':

But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don't forget, girl keep your head up

and

And when he tells you you ain't nothin' don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you, you should leave him
'Cause sister you don't need him

Most women in general can probably relate to the lyrics of this song. We've all probably been in a similar position at some point. Possibly even more than once.

More lyrics Tupac penned for the ladies:

And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up.

Shiver. I can feel the heat of his words through the computer screen. I put that last part in bold because it always makes me think, 'yesssssss, tell them Pac!!'

I relate to other parts of the song, too. I think most people could. You don't need to be a woman to relate. For example, who doesn't understand to the following line?:

I try and find my friends, but they're blowin in the wind

I mean, you know, that sounds like my life right now. A lot of this chaos I'm going through is directly related to 'friends' who I should have known better than to trust (or try to make more out of than simple platonic love). Most people are like daisies in the summer breeze, bending and blowing away without a moment's reflection or thought on the matter. I'm sure plenty of people have had this realization at some point.

Oh, and yet more for everyone to relate to, plus good commentary on American society:

It seems the rain'll never let up
I try to keep my head up, and still keep from gettin wet up
You know it's funny, when it rains it pours
They got money for wars, but can't feed the poor

Then comes the affirmation, that powerful moment when Tupac says it's going to be all right:

Cause I think we can make it, in fact, I'm sure
And if you fall, stand tall and come back for more

Of course, just like real life, a lyrical kick will come in contact with your stomach right at the moment you feel highest:

... there's too many things for you to deal with
Dying inside, but outside you're looking fearless
While tears, is rollin down your cheeks
Ya steady hopin things don't all down this week

Faith, faith, faith. Faith and hope. That's what 2Pac is really rapping about, or at least to me. I could see how some might argue differently, but it's a personal thing, the interpretation of lyrics.

In this song, Tupac raps what I feel. He poses the questions I want answered. Questions like, how do you keep faith when it's all turning to crap around you? How do you stay afloat when you're hurting inside, but trying to keep a calm exterior? How do you keep hope when you can't let your weakness show, when you can't let anyone see the cracks in your foundation? It might all crumble to the ground if you give in for a moment of despair.

It only takes one crack to fall apart completely.

And yet, according to my interpretation of Tupac's lyrics, faith does win in the end. Perhaps this is why I love the song so much. Faith wins out, if you just keep strong and take a steady course:

And it's crazy, it seems it'll never let up, but please ...
you got to keep your head up

Keep your head up.

I love that. So simple, but such a strong statement.

Keep your head up.
Keep the faith.

Keep the hope.

If only it wasn't such a hard thing to do ... and if only I knew where all of this pain is leading me. The path I thought I was setting up for myself has turned to dust in front of my very eyes, and I have to start all over again.

When I think about how daunting this is, all I can do is turn to 2Pac and play, yet again, one of his most positive songs.