how i found lake victoria in my new kitchen

The first major event in my new apartment has happened.

The event went a little something like this:

After an extended weekend away from New York City, I arrive back in town, eager to get to my new place and flop into bed. I've had a long bus ride and am tired. Worse yet, I have that awful bus smell that goes with riding those automotive monstrosities. Smell and exhaustion aside, I decide I need to grab something to eat first. So, moments after walking in the front door of my apartment, I decide to grab some food.

I briskly walk to the kitchen, eager to see what is still fresh enough to eat in my fridge after 4 days out of town. I open the door to the Food Sanctum with cheerful abandon, expecting to see enough left overs, unopened packages of tofu and wrapped up deli meats to last me a happy minute.

Instead, I am greeted with something that looks like the banks of the Nile River during flood season. Packages of food are swimming in pools of water, while a mini-Niagara Falls drips from the freezer above the refrigerator. My roommate has attempted to salvage the situation by plastic wrapping the top shelf, where forlorn (and damp) bottles of salsa, milk and tomato sauce are sitting. Still, despite this safeguard, everything is wet, and all the plastic wrap in the world isn't going to stop the eggs from getting slimed on.

After carefully inspecting all my food, I decide my produce is still safe to eat and go ahead with creating my evening meal. However, every time I pull out a container from the fridge I get splashed with a shower of droplets fresh from the freezer above. Lovely. It's like cooking during monsoon season in India. It's an experience I've never wanted and never expected to have, but I suppose now I can say I've done it.

After eating, I try to clean up the mess. As I'm doing so, I hear an ominous rumble from the freezer. I imagine an avalanche sounding something similar, like a low rumble that builds in volume until, without warning -- BAM! Snow falls all over your body, turning you into a human ice cube. With this scenario in mind, and the freezer rumbling away, I try to wipe off milk cartons and mop up the bottom of the fridge now known as Lake Victoria. And, like the imagined avalanche, and without much additional warning, I'm suddenly a human ice cube as an entire sheet of the stuff drops from the freezer into the fridge. How? I have no idea. But it did. On me.

At this point I was so irritated I quit the expedition (and yes, I term it that on purpose) in disgust.

This morning I went over the fridge with much trepidation, slowly opening the door to grab some milk for my cereal. What horrors would I find inside today? I almost expected mold growth or an Amazonian jungle prompted by the deluge of flood water. Even goldfish wouldn't have been too unexpected.

However, much to my delight, my roommate had cleaned up the entire disaster at some point last evening. Even Lake Victoria was gone. How she did it, I have no idea, but I'm glad she did -- now I don't have to wear rain gear every time I go to cook!