some cash would be nice ...

Finding a job in this city is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. To do anything you have to have previous experience -- and I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. To be a waitress, employers want at least 3 years of restaurant servitude. Dog walkers are required to have previous poop scooping jobs under their belt, not to mention a license (what the hell?) and an apartment in Manhattan. (I guess people don't have dogs in Brooklyn?) Even jobs under the 'adult' section -- which I only go to in moments of desperation to reassure myself that I will never stoop so low -- demand "experienced ladies."

(um, ew.)

I've been on a few job interviews now, and discovered the 'New York Bitch' syndrome, also present on the Upper West Side and art galleries everywhere. This phenomena is found among wealthy, middle aged Caucasian females. They wear well tailored skirt suits, have faces that look like they've been pressed under an iron too long, and a no-nonsense-get-out-of-my-way attitude. Oh, and they love having power over the weakling masses. (In this case, me.)

I seem to warm and butter them up well, but apparently not enough to thaw their frozen insides. They rattle my resume in front of my face, pert and smiling through alligator teeth, letting me know with a well placed glance that my clothes are about $500 too short of being acceptable.

(got Chanel?)

Then again, when I think about it, working for malnourished socialites isn't really my thing. I think it's safe to say that the feeling of dislike between me and the New York Bitches is mutual.

So, here's an open plea to whoever reads this thing. Need an employee? I'm a fast typer, have office assistant and editorial experience, I'm good with computers, a classically trained musician, and what the hell, I'll throw in the fact that I'm pretty cute, too.

In all seriousness, the minute I get a stable job, I'm posting a long, drawn out HALLELUJAH on my blog. My entire post will go like this: HALLELUJAH!HALLELUJAH!HALLELUJAH! Only, instead of three hallelujahs, there will be about a thousand. In addition, there will be a list included of all the wonderful crap I can buy with my first paycheck.

Ah, to have a job!